You have to negotiate.

They: Do you have whatsapp?

You: No i hate that app but we can use Rehnijobuboba, heard of that?

They: No and there’s no way I’m installing something I can’t even speak.

You: Ok, you dont want to install that and I don’t want whatsapp, lets meet halfway and use Signal together!

They: Fine.

Tell them the reason they keep getting creepy ads for stuff they’re talking about in the car is FB messenger.

That creeps enough people out.

If they don’t want to use private communication then just leave it. If you want privacy you have to get used to having a less social life, at least online. That’s the key really, if you want a social life, you have to start going offline, out into the real world and meet people. Get to know your neighborhood a bit or join some outdoor activity or club or something. I know it’s weird at first about going outside because we’re all basement computer nerds but you will find freedom without all the online surveillance when you leave your home.

JK, because next challenge is to convince everyone you meet that they should leave their phones are home and if you thought getting people to use Signal is hard you have no idea because that’s just step 1.

I think there is always someone who is more willing to try it, so you start from them. Like a a techy friend or a parent who doesn’t really care as long as they talk to their child. Then you can proceed by complaining to your social circle about the bad quality of the apps you currently use (like messenger). Someone will be convinced eventually. I recommend you go with signal though since element (x) apps are still not ready for commercial every day use.

“I could add you to our group chat. Do you have Signal?” Just that. No questions asked. No convincing to anything. Either “Yes” or “Let me just download”. Surprised honestly how many people either have it already or at least know it. Obviously might not work if you ever talk to a person 1-1, but starting a group chat only takes 2 people 😉

Nope. I’ve given up trying to nudge people in, what we deam, the «right» direction.

If they don’t see any problem in giving away their privacy for convenience, then that’s their prerogative.
Hell, I am still unable to de-google completely myself.

Considering setting up a Matrix server for when Discord goes full entshitification. Maybe some will join then.

I plead the fifth officer

Become unavailable on non-private messengers. Explain your reasons if asked, but stay stubborn. (And yes, it will turn out that a subset of people you know don’t give a shit about staying in contact with you.)

You become impossible to text without it. This only works once, so choose well. We do WIRE, have for years.

The issue is FBM is something you can find just about everyone on. Pulling people off that is difficult. So you’ll need to incognito to yank them off.

I use XMPP whenever possible. Requires many fewer resources to run on just about any hardware & I can hand out accounts if needed.

I don’t care for the centralized or de facto centralized alternatives. I regret along with my uncle convincing family onto Signal several years ago.

My best friends and I switched from WhatsApp to Signal after the period that Facebook agreed not to make changes to WhatsApp went up. Other people were just sheer annoyance

Most of my communications with friends used to be on Instagram and discord. Discord was easy to get rid of because I kept having issues with notifications on it and told my friends that and eventually they got the message when I just didn’t receive/reply to anything that they sent me.

Instagram was a lot harder to get rid of. It’s a lot easier to pressure people in person than online. I deleted Instagram and told my friends that they could get in touch with me on signal. Initially they were contacting me on SMS, but I used social pressure with my converted friends to get the others on it by making a group chat on signal and constantly referencing conversations on there. Fear of missing out is a big motivator to get people to switch.

Another thing that I did was empathize the features of signal over SMS. I talked about things like being able to see when people are typing, read receipts, profile pictures, stickers, etc. Obviously my main motivation is for security, but a lot of people automatically bristle and have the usual “i don’t have anything to hide” talking points so it’s been easier to use those other approaches. With the results of the recent US election it’s been easier to convince people to make the switch, though.

I got my family to switch to Signal a while ago after a high profile data harvesting scandal with WhatsApp. Some were looking at telegram and I showed them how that had dogshit security by just finding another high profile case.

People like to be able to send documents, bank numbers, etc. with ease. Remind them that’s not really possible with SMS or WhatsApp or whatever. (Technically Signal still is centralized and is vulnerable to shenanigans, but the fact that it’s open source and truly E2EE mitigate that. And has the least friction of all the options.)

I won’t use anything other popular other than signal. There are some other cool apps like simplex behind for but I keep that for my enthusiasts out there.

People who don’t want to keep in touch and still use WhatsApp despite WhatsApp using the signal protocol make me wonder how much they want to keep in touch with me and how much they understand their tools and devices.

I also wonder what other bullshit apps they use as well but won’t install signal.

Luckily I have friends and family who indeed do want to stay in touch and who also recognize the implications of using questionable software. I keep them close.

When a colleague or new friend asks me to exchange contacts, I offer them the option to be part of my “main phone club” by getting Signal, Wire, or Element/Matrix.

I have a separate phone to handle SMS and Whatsapp. That covers 99% of cases, if they want something esoteric like Instagram/Snapchat/iMessage, then that’s too bad. I’ll turn off Airplane mode and check this secondary phone when I’m seated and comfortable like during my lunch break or when I get home. If, say, Johnny is running an event and needs me to text back whenever from 10 to 12, then I’ll generally leave my phone on for that time period. If there’s something sensitive but not particularly urgent, I’ll save it for the next time we meet in person.

If someone wants to message me at any random time of the day without prior notice and have a quick response back, they’ll have to join my main phone club.