“The Φ Phi Daisy is a Living Product that Evolves With You.”

Even Apple marketing can’t reach this level of truth-bending.

How about using the free browser-based tier of MS Office 365 https://www.microsoft.com/en-gb/microsoft-365/free-office-online-for-the-web - but with an alt email address for this purpose only?

This is a good example of hallucination, both by the AI and by OP. The first and third word of each line is a synonym for average.